Photo by Christopher Boswell on Unsplash

Why a stethoscope is the best fashion accessory (if you’re not a doctor)

Hassan S. Ali

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Imagine this: You’re walking around town with a stethoscope around your neck.

Boom: Instant social status upgrade. Way more than any gold chain.

The ultimate bling is this stethoscope thing.

Hanging around your neck oh-so casually, like a scarf but a metal one that says, “Hey, I know what I’m doing.”

And do scarves or gold chains also double as tools to check someone’s heartbeat on the fly?

Right, didn’t think so. What’s better than fashion that is also functional? (See my future post on cargo pants.)

A stethoscope around your neck says: “I’m special. I march to the beat of my own drum. And to the beat of anyone’s heart that may need checking at any given time.”

I like stethoscopes.

I like doctors.

I am not a doctor.

I’ve been seeing doctors since I was 7 years old, though.

I had brain tumors in my pituitary gland at age 7, 9, and then 14.

Lots of stethoscopes after that.

I feel calm when my doctor or nurse unfurls the stethoscope from around their neck, and tells me to “breath normally.”

For those few moments, everything is… quiet.

Just the sound of my breath.

Innnnnhaaaale… and exxxxhaaaale.

“Everything sounds good,” they say.

And I might give the stethoscope pad thingy a finger-boopy tap to say thanks.

But only after they take it out of their ears, because otherwise it’d shatter their eardrums. That lil stethoscope pad is super sensitive.

You could wear anything around your neck.

A fluffy airport pillow. The diamond necklace from Titanic now at bottom of ocean. A cardigan like you are a rich boy.

But a stethoscope? A stethoscope is greatest fashion accessory of all.

Even if you are not doctor or health care professional.

Actually, especially if you are not doctor or health care professional.

Great conversation starter.

Only downside: You will likely be asked to assist in emergency situations while you are out and about.

So you will need to explain you are not, in fact, a doctor or health care professional. Your stethoscope is only a statement piece for fashion.

It may be hard for others to hear you say this over the clamoring of the crowd yelling “Call 911!”

But when you’re in line for coffee or something, wow, you will look soo cool and with smarts.

And that is all that matters, right?

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Hassan S. Ali

I write comedy things. the ha & lol. Also a founding editor of Slackjaw on Medium.