Playing guitar didn’t get me any girls.

I started playing guitar when I was 12. And 23 years later, it’s yet to deliver any of the female attraction I was hoping for. Oh, woe is me!

They got me all excited: Every guitarist raved about their popularity with the opposite sex. As a hormonal middle schooler, I had no confidence to, you know, go up and talk to girls. Guitar would be my rejection-proof way in.

Fast forward through middle school, high school, college, and now into adulthood: I’m waaaay good at guitar now. But my guitar-playing alone has yet to woo a single lady like those rockstars promised.

Only my upbeat personality and self-confidence has been successful in attracting cool women, but tbh that’s a lot of work when a simple guitar strum can make it happen like on Behind The Music?

All I got outta them was fun, laughter, liberation, stress relief, a creative challenge, and deep connection with bandmates from all walks of life.

One of my bands even placed 2nd at a Battle of the Bands. A huge win? Yeah! But did any of that matter? No. I sulked away with merely a trophy and a sense of personal pride. Zero phone numbers from any girls.

Exactly… How disappointing.

  • Who cares if I’m now really good at an instrument I can lose myself into for hours.
  • Who cares if it’s the only activity that brings me true liberation and flow, where I lose all sense of time.
  • Who cares if I get so much pride from watching how far I’ve progressed in my skills.
  • Who cares if my guitar-playing is something that’s connected me to my brother during this quarantine, since he started playing guitar for the first time in May.
  • Who cares if I get an indescribable sense of brotherly satisfaction to teach him the tricks I’ve learned, as we jam for hours on Facetime.
  • Who cares if this has brought us closer than any other time for us.
  • Who cares if that time with my brother is one of the few things I thank this crazy year for.

What matters is: Guitar alone hasn’t gotten me a single girl.

That’s not what Behind The Music promised.

I can only hope MTV’s The Real World doesn’t disappoint me similarly; and that, on my horizon, there’s a pre-paid mansion awaiting me without having to work for it.

I write comedy things. the ha & lol. Also a founding editor of Slackjaw on Medium.

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