Illustration: Me + Adam Koscielski

Monday Finally Stands Up For Itself

Gonna need you guys to drop what you’re doing and listen up.

That means you, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Because I, Monday, your coworker, have something to say.

I was tempted to just do this on our “Days Of The Week” team Slack channel. But, no, this is too important. Gotta be done face to face.

That quiver in my voice is not nervousness. No, my peers. Be not mistaken. It is pride, strength, and courage.

For I, Monday, am finally standing up for myself.

Imma get right to it. I’m done getting shat on. I demand respect. The respect I deserve.

All everyone’s ever done is hate on me, complain about me, put me down, dread me, eye-roll about me, audibly sigh about my existence, draw frowny faces on my calendar box, curse at me… the list goes on.

It’s relentless. It’s also totally crossing the line.

And after doing a lot of inner work on myself, I’ve decided I’m not going to tolerate it any longer.

Put yourself in my position.

That is, the literal position between Sunday and Tuesday.

Sunday’s got this “weekend” thing going for it. Which, fine, I accept that. But Tuesday? Tuesday, bro, I love you, but all I do is take punches for you and set you up for success.

I’m the day they toss to the wolves so everyone else can run away to safety.

I’m done being wolf food.

I’m actually pretty great.

Everyone thinks I’m this horrible day, but let’s remember: I’ve got Cyber Monday. Everyone forgets how much they love me when I help them get 80% off noise-cancelling headphones.

Then there’s this #MondayMotivation thing on social media. It’s so validating and uplifting. Stuff like “It’s a new week and a new opportunity to make it awesome! #MondayMotivation.” It gives my calendar box a nice warm fuzzy feeling like when Christmas occasionally falls on me. That’s the appreciation I love to see, and would love more of that!

I’ve got Labor Day, Memorial Day, and again let’s not forget: CHRISTMAS (okay once in awhile depending on the year, but still counts!)

My name, Monday, is a translation of Latin ​dies lunae, ​which means “day of the Moon”. And like the moon, I’m ever-changing.

I’m actually ​really sensitive. I used to be self-conscious about that. But now I own it.

I own who I am. I own my feelings. I honor them. I validate them.

I’m not ashamed of that.

Going forward, I’d like to make it clear that I’m not going to just roll over and take it.

I can’t change the position I’m in — the start to the work week — but I sure as hell can change how I treat myself, and how I let others treat me.

For starters, I think it’d help to have a fun nickname for my day. Wednesday gets “Hump Day”. Sunday gets “Sunday Funday.” Maybe I can be “Monday Greatday” … okay that’s not quite right, just spitballing here, but we can noodle on some names. I’ll put some time on our calendars — well, on ourselves — for a brainstorm session.

To be clear, I do appreciate all of you. Yeah you too, Friday and Saturday, ya party animals, c’mon bring it in. We’re all an equal 1/7 of this team, but we’re stronger together.

Thanks for listening. I feel better already.

I write comedy things. the ha & lol. Also a founding editor of Slackjaw on Medium.

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