Man no use loofas or eat Luna Bars!
Man pound on desk and rip off shirt!
One time, I, man, was offered Luna Bar. I turned bar down because “Luna Bar for women,” I said. Ingredients looked good. But no, I would not eat. “What if bar turn me into woman?” my caveman mind think.
Few years ago, lady I was dating introduced me to thing called “loofa.” It was purple. It looked like sea creature turned into sponge. She say it for cleaning body. Works better than using soap and hand, like I always done.
But it purple. And fluffy. And found next to girly items in store.
No, I no use loofa!
Because I man.
“Would rather use raw steak and motor oil to wash self,” my caveman mind thought to self.
True story: My grandfather, Nana, fought a tiger with his bare hands.
Serving in military, he was in Indian jungle and encountered big striped cat. No meow, big roar. After stare-down, tiger attacked. As story goes, Nana punched and kicked tiger off of him. Tiger finally run away. Nana lit cigarette after that and walked back to camp.
Manliest story ever.
I even saw the scars on his hands.
He man.
