I suck at being brown.

Oh just questioning my identity, no biggie

I suck at being brown. Specifically, South Asian.

Some context: My parents immigrated to the U.S. from Pakistan in the ’70s and ’80s. My brother and I were born and raised here in Chicago.

Our childhood was just like any other American kid’s.

Mom volunteered to bring orange slices to my little league games. Dad served as my brother’s Boy Scout troop leader. (My brother later became an Eagle Scout. American AF!) We mostly ate pasta and fish sticks and casseroles at dinner. We reserved traditional Pakistani fare, like dal or butter chicken, more for special occasions.

Compared to other South Asian Muslim parents, my parents have always been super secular. (If you ask him, my dad would tell you he’s an atheist.) Growing up, we went to religious services very rarely. By the time we were teenagers, those rare trips to the mosque stopped altogether. Not because of anything Islam itself was preaching, just because there were other things going on. (Apparently God was BO-RING!) Today, I’d classify myself as culturally Muslim, but agnostic in belief.

I grew up speaking English only, never the traditionally Pakistani language, Urdu. My parents spoke it, and I’ve since learned to understand it. But to this day, I can’t speak Urdu.

When it came to school and career… yes, my parents did fulfill the typical Asian parent stereotype. But other than pushing my…