don’t ask me how this photo exists

I am 400-month-old baby and wants my mommy

Some days I don’t wanna be 34-year-old adult man.

I wanna be 400-month-old baby who just wants his momma.

Lately I been stressed.

I been pushed out of comfort zone. Which is both great and really hard.

Month ago, was promoted unexpectedly at work. More responsibilities. But also more EXCITE!

Yes me excited, just like baby excited to take first steps.!!!

But baby no have to deal with: managing people, signing invoices, leading a team and making sure they happy, delegating taksks, making unpopular decisions, having people disagree and question you, and doing it all while somehow taknig care of self too.

And oh my googoogaagaa, so many more meetings!

Plus more ouchies:

This week I sprained neck while exercising, so big ouch whenever i move head. Feel weak and fatigued.

Doctor say my bad (LDL) cholesterol a bit high, said “eat healthier and exercise.” But I don’t wanna cook. Cooking take so much time and effort, just spoonfeed me. Plus, isn’t exercise what hurt my neck in first place?!!?!


Just make my booboos all better, mom.

Even as 400-month-old baby, always try to remind myself: “gotta crawl before you can walk.” Lately it feel like “NO TIME TO CRAWL JUST RUN LIKE TIGER CHASING YOU!”

It a lot at once.

Baby just get to sleep and eat and poop and cry and get snuggled in mom’s warm comfy arms all day.

Where, in mom’s arms, everything gonna be okay.

In mom’s arms, baby no have to deal with anything: no deal with health problems, rejection, pain, speaking up for self, or asking people ‘hey do you have an iphone charger i could borrow?’ when phone battery low.

Baby no have to deal with panic attacks (ironically adult me goes into breastfeeding wellness room in office to calm down)

And baby no have to console member on team at work whose family member is dying of cancer.

That was not in the new boss handbook.

Half of adult-me loves it. See all this as challenge. other half of adult-me says, “I’m not cut out for this. I want to be baby again.”

Baby just get to sleep and eat and poop and cry and get snuggled in mom’s warm comfy arms all day.

I know, Adult-me can’t be in mom’s arms all the time. (Unless there a “take your mom to work day” I not aware of.)

So instead, when need her, I give her call or Facetime her and we talk about the good stuff, the struggles, the everything.

she help me learn, problem solve with me, and is sounding board for me to thrive as 34-year-old adult.

While being baby forever sounds nice, like baby bird, I guess me has to leave the nest sometime and fly, while mama bird watch on proudly.

Even at 34 years old, at heart I’m still 400-month-old baby who wanna be swaddled up in fuzzy blanket and cradled by momma sometimes.

Where she takes care of all my problems for me.

Where everything gonna be okay.

Last weekend we met up after hard week. eventually after lot of grown-up talking about how much to save for retirement, i just laid myself down: My head in her lap, her brushing my hair, me curled up and feeling warmth of her embrace, and everything was okay.

We had good laughs.

ah, like old times when i was baby.

except less tickling.

I love adulthood. Don’t get me wrong.

I’m grateful for everything I have. I’m grateful for the (mostly) first-world problems I have to deal with. I’m grateful I can type this from a coffee shop and send it to thousands of readers like you. I’m grateful for the good, the bads, the everything in the middle — everything that helps me grow.

And yeah, growing is uncomfortable. I know deep down I’m in the middle of exciting (and oftentimes uncomfortable) personal growth.

But I, and all of you, deserve some babying along the way to get through it.

Thanks mom.

I write comedy things. the ha & lol. Also a founding editor of Slackjaw on Medium.

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