Don’t worry, she’s okay.

How to have a bad day.

Hassan S. Ali
3 min readJan 22, 2021
  1. Involuntarily wake up at 4:15am. Your alarm is for 6:30am. Now you’re in this no-man’s-land of “want to sleep but can’t” and “awake-enough-to-function but also so excruciatingly tired.” Empathize with new parents.
  2. Sprain your lower back muscle during a workout. You had such good intentions for 2021: Do bodyweight workouts 3x per week. So far, so good! And now THIS?! Exercise, I trusted you. 2021, I trusted you.
  3. Your back sprain is so bad, you can barely move. And when you do, it’s like Frankenstein. Or a robot. Actually, let’s go with Frankenstein, because there’s lots of groaning.
  4. You feel fragile and mortal. Just burping is painful. You survived the pain of 2 brain surgeries in your life, yet when your cat knocks your keys off a table, you wince in pain to pick ’em up and feel so, so vulnerable.
  5. Drop your phone into mustard. You grab your phone to take a photo of lunch — an open-faced burger, topped with a big dollop of mustard. Your grip loosens. The phone drops onto the mustard. There’s now mustard in every crevice of your phone — like the little speaker hole thingies.
  6. Your cat catches on fire. Yes, your cat accidentally sets itself ablaze. You’d lit a small lavender-scented candle to relax after a rough morning. It’s within 1 foot of your laptop on the kitchen island, where you’re working. Ah, the…



Hassan S. Ali

I write comedy things. the ha & lol. Also a founding editor of Slackjaw on Medium.